BREAKING: Michelle Obama Files For Divorce

As many of us predicted, Barack and Michelle (or “Michael” as he occasionally calls her in public) are ending their marriage now that they are done raping and pillaging our country.

According to Reuters, Michelle Obama officially filed for divorce Saturday afternoon in the wake of controversy surrounding their daughter Malia’s arrest for marijuana possession.

It’s unclear why she (he?) has decided to end the marriage, but sources close to the Obamas claim that the two have been “on the rocks” for years and have only stayed together because a divorce would have damaged the former “President” politically.

“Barry and Michelle fight a lot behind closed doors,” the family friend told Ebony Magazine editor LaShaun Smith. “They agreed to stick it out until his last term was up but now she’s ready to move on with her life. She doesn’t feel like she can be who she really is with him.”

Details of the divorce are still being negotiated, but it is speculated that Sasha Obama, who is still a minor, will be living with her grandmother at least during the transition – a strange setup, but everything is strange when it comes to the former “President” and “First Lady.”

Notably, Michelle Obama was not with her husband at his last three golf vacation stops.

We have reached out to the Obamas for a statement, but received no reply.


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